A Lamentation on the Loss of a Potential Jay McCarroll Scarf
January 1, 2009

*Dramatic Sigh* Well, it looks like I didn't win, but I'm going to re-purpose my submission into at least getting some more bandwidth out of it.

Peeve: Losing out because I didn't use the phrase "GLBT elves and reindeer." Of course, that assumes I was among the 'clever and creative' runners-up, but to get me through this disappointment I'm going to assume that I was.

Recently TLo at Project Rungay held the following contest:

When Jay McCarroll sent us one of his scarves this week:

There was a brief power struggle because for once, we both wanted it. But alas, it's very much a woman's scarf so we're passing the fabulous on to you. The pic doesn't do it justice. It's very long and very colorful with a little bit of sparkle in the middle.

To win it, all you have to do is...Oh Jesus, we don't know....How about this: Which one of Santa's Reindeer is Gay? Just tell us which one and why. While it's tempting...to assume that they all are, let's just go with the assumption that only one of them is. Tell us which one. Best answer wins the scarf. We're leaving Rudolph out. That one's just too easy.

My submission: A Completely Transparent Effort to Get My Paws on that Scarf.

“Deerest” Blog-kings:

Yes, the misspelling of “dearest” was a deliberate (and poor) pun as the first of many attempts to ‘sychophant’ my way to that scarf. But I MUST have it. I’m even writing to you from my home account with my real name in the hope that you will take note of my transparent desperation at owning anything ala Jay McCarroll. I’m ScubaOtter from Blogging Project Runway, and as the BPR admins will confirm, I’ve been a Jay fan from S1 E1. This submission is later than ideal, but take pity on me: We’ve been buried under three feet of snow for the last 8 days in the eastern suburbs of Seattle.

Which leads me to reason #2 and #3 I deserve that scarf: I need the warmth and God knows I need a little island of fashion in a veritable couture desert. Really, one can only cope with so many plaid flannel shirts, I don’t care how buff the chest underneath.

Enough with the small talk. Put some coconut rum into that passion/orange juice and enjoy.

Of course, you’re going to be inundated with submissions about Prancer and Vixen. They’re such obvious choices. Prancer couldn’t stay away from a Pride parade to save his own life; everyone knows he’s an attention whore. And just because Vixen is a slut doesn’t make him Gay Extraordinaire. He’s just bitter because he didn’t get that walk-on part on Queer as Folk with the free trip to Toronto for some Canadian ungulate tail. Certainly, neither is enough to warrant a Jay McCarroll scarf.

Donner is your boy, fellas. His given name is Donald Nathaniel Erhard. He legally changed it when his parents couldn’t handle the fact that his dream vocation was to be leashed to eight other dudes with leather and bells. The Erhard name is old-money, synonymous with high-end sporting equipment (they love to make those athletic balls). Out of respect and love for his family, he pursued his dream to be commanded about by a Bear in red without hurting the family’s reputation in the Hamptons. Fortunately, his family has been very supportive, but they’re still perplexed at his reasons for never being able to visit home at Christmas.

Despite the hardships, Donner left home and hearth to pursue his passion at a full gallop. As a result, by the time he arrived at Santa HQ, he was unimaginably buff with a delicious five o’clock shag in his coat and beats of sweat covering his hide. One look at him and Rudolph’s nose was red for a week. Santa needed a PowerDeer in his cortege, so to his delight, Donner was hired immediately.

He doesn’t like to brag, but when he’s not working he lives in a tastefully-appointed condo with his Caribou lover, Harold. One look at that huge rack, broad muzzle and white rump, and Donner was a goner. They’ve been together for fifteen years and own two French bulldogs. Admittedly, it’s tough getting supplies; Harold usually orders from Bergdorf’s and Williams-Sonoma online, which arrives via airdrop three times a year.

In his spare time, Donner is active in a book club and enjoys seeing art films with his stag-hag Lacey. Generally they live a quiet but happy life, except the holidays are always a madhouse. Tensions run high because Donner is consumed with work deadlines. However, when all is said and done, they shed their antlers, take a couple of weeks off together, and all is forgiven.

When not working out with his eight regular spotting buddies, Donner likes to spend lazy days in the meadow with Harold, grazing and frolicking among the gorgeous northern scenery. Incidentally, they’re convinced that Annie Proulx got the idea to write Brokeback Mountain after spending a week with them. Litigation is pending.

I know I speak for Donner in asserting that ScubaOtter deserves that Jay McCarroll scarf. First off, SO understands what it’s like to live in a cold northern climate where fashion is an afterthought. Secondly, they appreciate SO's wit and the fact that SO knows how to make a killer pomegranate martini.

Best regards,
-ScubaOtter